Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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