you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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