I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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