How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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