what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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