So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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