i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
