Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
