Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm passing your future prison.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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