So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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