yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
