Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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