Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
