you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
