i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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