put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
