1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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