im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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