Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My liver just had a heart attack.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
