I want to have your abortion
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
