And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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