He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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