so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
