Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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