SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
