just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
