I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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