If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
