I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
