So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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