I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
