wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
