Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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