youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
