I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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