Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
