just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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