I could have mohawked her pubes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
