i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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