from now on my penis is your penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
