If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
