Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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