So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
