your parents love me but you hate me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
