i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
