i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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