I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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