there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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