This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
