i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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