I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
