Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
