My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
