i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
